What A Joke!!!

In an interview the board asked a man to define Joke.

The man defined Joke as:

1. Something said or done to provoke laughter
2. Something not to be taken seriously
3. Something will make you lough like ass
4. Something should not be done by me in the office after I get the job

Result? He god the job with maximum

salary.

Revenge!!!

There will always be beer cans and cigarette filters rolling on the carpet of your car...

when your boss asks for a ride to his home after the office...

Saving Time!!!

A computer surely save time at work in the office...

I can play solitaire without spending time shuffling real cards...

Truth About Your Office

All the rumors about the office are true...

Especially if your boss denies them...

Work-Out

I got a job in work-out center...

But they said I wasn't fit for the job!!!

Seeking Help from Bank Robber!!!

A robber went to a bank to rob and when he saw that it was his turn, he just pulled out the gun and robs the bank.

He wanted to make sure that there is no witnesses of his robbery.

He asked to the people in the bank: Did anybody see me to rob the bank?

A man said: yes, I did.

Robber: Are you sure?

Man: Yes.

Then the robber point the gun to the man's head and asked:

DID..YOU...SEE...ME...THAT...I...ROBBED...THE...BANK?

The man answered: Nope. I did not see you.

When the robber ready to leave the bank. The man called him back. And said:

“I am sure I did not see you. But one thing, if you shoot the people if they knew that you robbed the bank then I am sure MY...WIFE...DID...SEE...YOU...TO...ROB...THE...BANK...

Relation with Government!!!

Relation with Government!!!

How Many Babies?

Wife is pregnant and Husband is in other country. He wanted to know the situation of the his wife.
Unfortunately the he called in wrong number. And after hearing the answer from other side he was stunned.

Husband: What is the situation?
The answer was: "4 are out in first 20 minutes, Two of them DUCK and hope to get rest 5 in this session."

(note: the wrong number went to a cricket ground where a test match was going on.)

Give me time and I will pay the fine money

A  pick pocket named Mr. Jhon was sued in court for lots of pick pocket in the road...
He has a smart lawyer for the case.
After hearing the Judge announces the result: "Mr. Jhon, you should try to do something better. After hearing your sins you are hereby fined USD. 1000."

The lawyer stand up and explained, "thank you honorable Judge. My Lord, my client has only 500 USD in his pocket. please give him one hour time in the court as there is a crowd here and he can earn the money from here to pay the fine money.

Lawyers do not need brain!!!

A doctor was sued by a dead person's relatives. they thought that the person was alive when the doctor has announced  him dead. The most prominent lawyer from the bar is asking questions to the doctor in the court.

Lawyer: before you announce of his death, did you check his pulse accordingly?

Doctor: No. that wasn't needed.

Lawyer: Did you check the blood pressure of the person?
Doctor: Nope.

Lawyer: Did you check if he was breathing? May be slowly.
Doctor: Nope.

Lawyer: That means, it is possible that the person was alive when you announced him dead?
Doctor: No. Not possible.

Lawyer: How can you be so sure, Doctor? what has happened?
Doctor: When i announced him dead, his brain was in the jar on my table.

Lawyer: But still the patient been alive and walk through the hospital without any thought in the head?
Doctor: Yes. That could be possible. Then he could has been alive and asking question wearing black gown and asking me question as part of his law practice.

What makes a man happy?

The Man phones to his home from abroad...his relative picked up the phone...
I want to talk to my wife, said the man.
Relative: She has died just before one hour...come home soon...we tried to call you..
Man: ok.

The man calls again and demand to talk to his wife again...
Relative: As I said, she died...
Man said ok.

The Man again calls to the home and again wants to talk with his wife...
The relative gets angry and said: I have said to you twice that she is dead. you have to come to home. Why you asking same question?
The man: OH!! when you are saying that my wife has died, it is giving me pleasure...

Use of Toilet Brush

Robert is smart and very concern about hygiene.
To ensure some hygiene practice, once he purchased his Grandma an exceptionally decent, lavish bathroom/toilet brush in her birthday. After some days, when he went to visit her, it wasn't in the restroom, it was in the locker.


Robert asked his Grandma, "Gran, what happened to the brush I gave you to keep clean?"


Grandmother laughed and said, i am keeping it for strong butt. All these years I am using toilet-paper after the toilet. The brush is so hard for me and it makes me bleed!!!

Keeping Coffee and Ice-cream Together

A blonde have notified that her colleague has a bottle with him, so she approaches him what it's for. He reacts, "It keeps hot things hot and chilly things icy."

The blonde promptly gets one for herself. The following day, she goes to work and gladly shows it.

Her collaborator asks, "What do you have in it?"

She replayed, “Coffee and ice-cream”.

Four Legs? Who are the owners?

A Lady returns home late one night and unobtrusively opens the way to her room. From under the sweeping, she sees four legs rather than simply her better half's two. She goes after a stick and begins hitting the cover as hard as possible. 

When she's set, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, perusing a magazine. 

He says, "Hello sweetheart, your Mother and father have come to visit us, so I let them remain in our room. Did you make proper acquaintance?"

Ant made an Elephant Pregnant!!!

An Ant is running away from the zoo. A rabbit stopped him and asked him what the matter is?

Ant: Do you know the lady elephant is pregnant?

Rabbit: It is a good news. So, Why are you running away?

Ant: I think it was me who makes her pregnant cause I went through her V.... few weeks ago and I don't want to be a father of elephant sized Ant. 

TAX for people...the fence repairing TAX

Three workers are offering to alter a broken fence at the White House. One is from New York, another is from DC, and the third is from Texas. Each of the three run with a White House authority to look at the fence. The New York contractual worker takes out a measuring tape and does some measuring, then works a few figures on the paper. "Well," he says, "I figure the employment will keep running about $1500. $600 for materials, $600 for my team, and $300 benefit for me." The DC contractual worker additionally does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can carry out this employment for $1200. $500 for materials, $500 for my group, and $200 benefit for me." The Texas contractual worker doesn't gauge or figure, however hangs over to the White House authority and whispers, "$5200." The official, doubtful, says, "You didn't quantify like alternate folks! How could you have been able to you concoct such a high figure?" The Texsa worker whispers back, "$2000 for me, $2000 for you, and we procure the person from DC to alter the fence." "Done!" answers the administration official. Then there will be a new TAX for people...the fence repairing TAX

.

Naked Chicken!!!

Two Peckers have been walking on the street...

Suddenly one asked another to go to a Kebab Shop...

Then went there...After a while they came out again...

One pecker asked another, “Why we went there?”

Another Pecker replied, “Nothing, I just wanted to see some naked chicken, they are hanged naked on the oven.”

Cut your workload

A man went to computer shop to buy a computer.

He don't know much about computer but he is very clever...

Salesman: Sir, This is the most updated computer, it will reduce your work time 50%. Cause, it is very speedy.

The cleaver man: Ok. Give me three of them. Two for me, one for my PS. Then I can rest after having her...

Where the Bills went?

A one dollar bill once met with a fifty dollar bill and said, "Hey, where have you been? I have not seen you around here much."

The Fifty dollar bill answered, " I have been hanging out at the casinos in Vegas, went on a cruise ship and did the rounds of the ship, back to the USA for awhile, went to a couple of baseball games, to the Shopping mall, that kind of staff. How about you?"

The one dollar bill said, You know, same old stuff...church...church...church..."

A Small Birthday Gift

Dad is asking his son what he want in his birthday...

Dad: Son, Alex, what do you want from me in your birthday?

Son: Nothing much Dad. Just a cool leather seat.

Dad: do you want a new sofa?

Son: Nope dad. I just want a cool leather seat with a Ferrari around it.